jblum's Journal

I've really begun to notice something about my brain. So much of the time, even when I'm hanging around with friends, I veer between being desperate to keep them entertained -- feeling like I'm not giving them value-for-money if I'm not being witty and interesting enough -- and feeling awful if they are being entertained and I'm not contributing anything. Earlier today I was getting savagely miserable because they were having a great conversation going on around me, and I had barely anything to say.

I don't think it's an I've-got-to-be-the-center-of-attention thing... it's less of a greed for listeners than a desperate obligation. But I do think it comes back to that need to feel like a part of what's going on -- that people care about what you care about, and care about what you're feeling.