jblum's Journal

Wake-up Call
Wow, that's the first time in as long as I can remember that I've woken up crying from a stress dream.

I found a posting months ago where I said my pattern was that things were going well, I didn't post, but when they were going badly I bemoaned my fate at length. Well, that's done a complete bit-flip lately -- now I haven't been talking because things have gotten so miserable that I can't even seem to have a moan, because (A) I don't seem to have the focus to articulate my thoughts, and (B) I'm convinced everything I'm feeling is utterly boring and repetitive anyway.

But I'm really having a hard time coping at the moment, with Kate's illness and all the ordinary grown-up stuff, and trying to feel like anyone thinks I'm worth looking after or paying attention to. Not that I feel people are being malicious towards me, just oblivious or disinterested. And the silence about how bad things have been has made that a nice little vicious circle, I suppose...